Rain.

If my heart had a forecast, it would be rainy with a 100% chance of NO sun. I'm trying to let feelings go, ones that I shouldn't feel, but they keep raining down.. flooding my heart. Stress these days is very present in my life. We're actually like bffs. But it's a bad friend. One that enjoys seeing me hurt, and finds pleasure in my pain. I don't have depression, I just don't laugh as much anymore. Remember that guy? From the summer? The one who seemed PERFECT, and I felt so blessed to meet him..? Yeah. We started talking again a couple of weeks ago (as friends) and it really brought me down. But it's almost as if i'm addicted to him. He doesn't make me feel good, infact, I feel used when I talk to him.. yet I still want to keep going back. I stopped talking to him this week. It's honestly, the HARDEST thing for me right now. I know I deserve better, but there's that feeling inside of me that longs to be pursued, and wanted. He pursed me; but for the wrong reasons. He wanted me; but not in the way I wanted to be wanted. Don't feel sorry for me, because I DO know God has a plan for me, and the right guy, I just sometimes wonder why this guy came into my life. I need prayer, if you don't mind.
I want to thank my friends. Thank you. This may sound cheesy, but it's the truth. I don't know what I would do without you. In the hardest times, I know I can turn to you & I will not be judged. You will never understand how greatful I am for that. Honestly, thank you.
Although my heart these days is heavy, and I have no motivation, I am going to keep having hope.
Thank you for listening.
Shalom.

My tired heart, is beating so slow.

Sometimes, my mind races at night, and I simply cannot sleep. Do you ever get that? I hope not, because it really isn't fun. At all.
Why do I think about these things at night? Why is my motivation level so much higher? Inspiration; I feel it more strongly at night. I've asked myself so many times, why this happens.. but that causes me to think more, which makes it even harder to fall asleep. But, I like it. Weird, I know.. but life just seems so much more real in the late hours.. confusing, huh? Yea. I know. That's how my life is right now! Confusing. My heart is slowly healing, and i'm able to look past the last guy that was in my life. He is just a memory now, slowly fading.. & I am so thankful for that.
I am content in the state I am in though. Because I know I deserve SO much better than what I went through, and my amazing friends helped me realize that. I am letting God write my love story. I am going to be patient.
It feels good to vent. Why don't I write in here more often? Even if nobody is reading this, it feels good to let it go.
I hope that you get all of your hearts desires. That you are filled with joy, and that everyday you are able to sing a new song. With love. That's what I wish for you.

Take care of yourself, because YOU deserve it. You do.

You should laugh, so you don't cry.

Today was another interesting day. They always are for me.
Getting over someone, is the hardest thing I have had to do these past four months.. I thought it wouldn't be this hard, but since I have never gone through it, I didn't expect what I have been going through. Oh well, though. Life will get easier. It will just take me a long time to trust a guy again.
"Laugh so you don't cry" by Andy Davis. Has helped me. A LOT lately.. & through this whole thing. He really is great.
My friends, also, play a huge part in my "getting better". I love you all, dearly.
I hope your day went well :) I am going to go read now.

Shalom.

We sing, we dance, we steal things.

I really want to recommend Jason Mraz's cd "We sing, we dance, we steal things".
It's super snazzy & i'm sure you'll like it.
It has helped me this week, quite a bit :)

Thank you, Mr.Mraz :)

Green houses and butterflies

Good day, folks.
Hope your day is going great! Mine is, thanks :)
Hmmm, this morning at like 2, I had a sudden urge to write on here.. but I was too lazy to get up & come to my computer. ha... so here I am now.. :)
This is what's up. I have found a new passion! I want to take some environmental courses :) Also, some peace & conflict resolution classes! And, the university I am attending next year, offers them :) I'm really excited, because I get excited when I talk about it. I am still going to take some music theory classes, but I could somehow work music & my environmental skills together ;)
It will be good, for sure.
:)
I hope your heart is doing well. I hope you are taking it easy. Celebrate reality, because sometimes, reality is the best thing. I know, I have said reality isn't the best, but when your heart is happy, reality is good, because after all.. it's the real deal. It's not fake.

Live high! High, on love, my friends.
Shalom

Love someone

Hey everybody.. whoever is out there, reading this.. I sometimes feel, this is just going out to a big empty void.. but I still like doing it.

Happy new year, folks. Happy new year. I'm sitting in my kitchen, at 2am, waiting for pizza to come sitting with 3 lovely ladies that I adore. It's peaceful & I thought of my blog. Yes, my fellow readers, I thought of you :)
I hope this year is a good one. New beginning. Fresh beginning. Although to think of it, it's just the day after yesterday, & not much has changed even though the date is now 2010.

I encourage you to love someone. Today, tomorrow, & yesterday. Be the change, folks. Be the change. (Yes today, i'm repeating myself) It's the way things are :)

Love you all. My heart goes out to YOU.
Yes, you.

Who am I?

I'm rethinking my life, & i'm not impressed.
The way i've been thinking lately is different, & I am quite confused. I have passions that I need to fulfill. I just want to sing. Nothing else. I want to travel for the rest of my life doing what I love best. I performed for the first time on Saturday for a wedding, and I love the attention. I feel so selfish, but I loved it. The whole night people were coming up to me, saying how great I did.. and it made me.. feel good about myself & I was happy.
.. But will I make it is the question? Should I go into with this mindset? Prob not. ugggh.
My life is taking a turn.. but it just doesn't seem for the better. It doesn't. This is something I want, but i'm not happy. Lately, my heart has been hurting.. & I have no clue why.
I'm not exactly sure what to do.. & i'm trying to figure things out. My heart is confused. I want to run away. I want to escape, & figure out what i'm feeling. But reality hits, & I know I can't.
I wouldn't mind getting lost for a bit. Re evaluate my life.. & re evaluate me. ME. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel disconnected, but yet, I don't. It's stressful.
I guess I just need time?