Who am I?

I'm rethinking my life, & i'm not impressed.
The way i've been thinking lately is different, & I am quite confused. I have passions that I need to fulfill. I just want to sing. Nothing else. I want to travel for the rest of my life doing what I love best. I performed for the first time on Saturday for a wedding, and I love the attention. I feel so selfish, but I loved it. The whole night people were coming up to me, saying how great I did.. and it made me.. feel good about myself & I was happy.
.. But will I make it is the question? Should I go into with this mindset? Prob not. ugggh.
My life is taking a turn.. but it just doesn't seem for the better. It doesn't. This is something I want, but i'm not happy. Lately, my heart has been hurting.. & I have no clue why.
I'm not exactly sure what to do.. & i'm trying to figure things out. My heart is confused. I want to run away. I want to escape, & figure out what i'm feeling. But reality hits, & I know I can't.
I wouldn't mind getting lost for a bit. Re evaluate my life.. & re evaluate me. ME. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel disconnected, but yet, I don't. It's stressful.
I guess I just need time?


Random? :)

It's really nice to just be with friends :) I really miss it. Life is so hectic lately, I forget to be with people who I love... & who love me (I hope) haha :)
Girl movie nights are needed! I feel like a kid again.. laughing at nothing.. dancing to some hip hop (mhmm, I can shake my booty) :) HA! It's great!
I can't forget the Starbucks.. tea :) Thank you Jesus, for tea.
I honeslty don't think there is anything better than sitting in front of a fire, drinking tea & reading a book :) If you stress out lots, you should try that! I can guarantee, it will calm you right down to serenity.
Music. Where should I go with it? I'm thinking of writing some solid music, & putting myself out there.. what do you think? I enjoy music.
As for boys, guys, men (whatever you want to call them) i'm not really liking any! It's really nice, cause I can go out & look bad, & not really care. Mhmmm :) NOT care. Well, I still try to look my best though ;) Never know.. haha.
I need a job. Actually.
hehe :) I'm quite happy right now!
Have you ever wondered, when you will get married? I do. & I wonder who I will get married too! haha. kind of random sometimes :)
I love Jesus, with all my heart. He is the reason for the season, people :) Not SANTA.
You know what would be perfect? A snowfall kind of love.. snowfalls are so pretty. When you go outside & catch snowflakes on your tounge, that moment of peace is perfect. The first snowfall brings people to their windows :) It's something veryyyyy special, I would say.
One final thing, I like you.

That is all.


Oh what a day is today.

It's crazy! I was so sure that I had my life planned out.. I have a change of heart. I want to do the Mp3 program at my church next fall.. it's like a leadership course that is 3 months long. I want to do it now, and I definitely did not have a to desire a couple of weeks ago.
I'm so happy too! I love it! I really do :) I'm so content with my life right now, it's satisfying.
I went on a leadership retreat with my school this past week, and I had a huge change of heart. It's amazing how Gods love can make you feel inside. The feeling I had when I first accepted Christ, I have again. It's the best feeling in the world.
It also feels good to write in my blog again... I haven't for a while.. And I think of doing it everday, but never have time. I am going to make time now because I LOVE IT!
Life is good. I'm happy.. and quite frankly, not sure how it can get any better than this! :)
Well, maybe it could.. without all the homework.


Hmmm.. Seeing people I love getting hurt, is hard.
Today was interesting.. very. I'm not sure I fully understand the concept of forgiving. I had TOO many memories come back to me today, & they weren't happy ones. Just not a good day in general. I did appreciate the rain today though.. :) I've been thinking about my life lately, and my choice of career.. haha. It's a joke. I have NO clue! errg. Should I pursue music, and if I do, how..? Worship, solo artist..? TOO many options I tell ya. I just need to give it to God, obvs. Stress is too high in my system today, so it would probably be a good idea to go to sleep. Maybe i'll play some guitar first :)


Are you thankful?

Thanksgiving; the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors, esp. to God.
I have lots to be thankful for. I have noticed, lately the littlest things that God has done in my life, and they make me smile.. I'm so thankful for my friends, & that God has provided me with friends that I can handle [haha], my family, who at times, get on my nerves, but are always there for me, a house to live in, a pillow to rest my head at night.. really, the list could go on forever. We get so easily distracted by the big things in life, we loose focus on the little ones. Be thankful today! If you look deep, down in your heart, you will find something.. I guarantee it.


embrace, love and wait.

The snow is falling, landing around me in every direction.. i'm surrounded by the earthly thing I love most. The first snow fall. It's magical, gives me that sense of warmth, joy; an internal strength. As it falls, I catch it with my tounge.. childhood memories come rushing in & I feel a sense of peace. I could stay here forever. Pure bliss. My emotions are so complex at this very moment, I, myself don't understand them. I look in the distance & see two people holding hands, & I begin to muse on love. I start singing a song to myself, "I'll be waiting for you baby, i'll be holding back the darkest night, love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right, love is waiting". Inspiration is given to me at this moment, & I take advantage of it. With inspiration, your heart is changed, for a brief moment, yes, maybe, but it is encouraging while it lasts. I ponder how my life will turn out.. when I will fall in love, what kind of opportunities I will be given, who will come in my life & who will go.. deep stuff. As i'm thinking about these things, I realize it has stopped snowing. My heart beats a little faster because reality has hit me & I know I have things to do. Being in that state of fantasy, being disconnected from the world for a couple of minutes helped me to mediate on some desires that were heavy on my heart. Do you ever stop to think? Stop to love? Stop to embrace? My expierence of stepping aside from the world & honestly, just being, is very vibrant. You never know what questions might be answered, or what truths might come to you. What risk would it be to try?