If my heart had a forecast, it would be rainy with a 100% chance of NO sun. I'm trying to let feelings go, ones that I shouldn't feel, but they keep raining down.. flooding my heart. Stress these days is very present in my life. We're actually like bffs. But it's a bad friend. One that enjoys seeing me hurt, and finds pleasure in my pain. I don't have depression, I just don't laugh as much anymore. Remember that guy? From the summer? The one who seemed PERFECT, and I felt so blessed to meet him..? Yeah. We started talking again a couple of weeks ago (as friends) and it really brought me down. But it's almost as if i'm addicted to him. He doesn't make me feel good, infact, I feel used when I talk to him.. yet I still want to keep going back. I stopped talking to him this week. It's honestly, the HARDEST thing for me right now. I know I deserve better, but there's that feeling inside of me that longs to be pursued, and wanted. He pursed me; but for the wrong reasons. He wanted me; but not in the way I wanted to be wanted. Don't feel sorry for me, because I DO know God has a plan for me, and the right guy, I just sometimes wonder why this guy came into my life. I need prayer, if you don't mind.
I want to thank my friends. Thank you. This may sound cheesy, but it's the truth. I don't know what I would do without you. In the hardest times, I know I can turn to you & I will not be judged. You will never understand how greatful I am for that. Honestly, thank you.
Although my heart these days is heavy, and I have no motivation, I am going to keep having hope.
Thank you for listening.