Sunshine :)

Hello :)
It has been ages since I have written in my blog. A LOT has happened! But, unfortunatly I am not willing to share. It is too personal. Although, I will tell you that I have missed providing a reading service for you, if that is what my blog is to you :) & if it is, thank you. A lot has happened, and a lot has changed. Good, and bad, but that is how life is going to be. You can't have the good without the bad settling in first, and I have discovered that these past few months. Life is changing for me, and it is quite hard. I am resting in the arms of my saviour though :) I am so thankful for Him.
I hope your summer has been beautiful :) and that you are enjoying that gorgeous sunshine. I hope if you are stepping into a new phase, a new chapter in your life, that you are comforted by friends and family, because it is tough. I ALSO hope that you have found love, and not just a "him" or "her". But a love for something you have a passion for. Love for painting, love for singing, love for that special someone :)
I will talk to you soon, friend.

LOVE somebody today.

This is it.

Thank you for the friendships, the love, the laughs, the hard times. Thank you for the memories.
It's a funny feeling.. graduating. It feels like your heart is caving in, it feels as if it's the end of the world. But it also brings a smile to your face, because you know everything is going to be okay.

This is the official end of a chapter, grads of 2010. But lets make this next chapter, bigger and better :)

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
- Eleanor Rossevelt

Dream big guys.
Take care of yourself.

Something good.

I'm slowly getting better. Each person I know has blessed me through this. Thank you for shining your beautiful light on me. It has helped me grow, learn and try to achieve on others, what you have done for me; Love.

My heart these days has been heavy, I will admit. It's the good kind of heavy though.. healing kind of heavy. Healing is good, but not necessarily easy.. I think people get that mixed up sometimes. The process is good, yet the hardest thing you will have to do. Facing reality is difficult, especially when you're trusting the [unknown] with your heart, life, with your everything. I still miss a lot of what I thought was turning into real love, and I know that it will take my heart a while to heal, but with the power of [my King] Jesus, it is possible.

This is just a quick message keeping you up to date on the impact you have had on my life. You truly are a gift from God.

Keep on being you, you.

P.s. You look GREAT today :)

Rain.

If my heart had a forecast, it would be rainy with a 100% chance of NO sun. I'm trying to let feelings go, ones that I shouldn't feel, but they keep raining down.. flooding my heart. Stress these days is very present in my life. We're actually like bffs. But it's a bad friend. One that enjoys seeing me hurt, and finds pleasure in my pain. I don't have depression, I just don't laugh as much anymore. Remember that guy? From the summer? The one who seemed PERFECT, and I felt so blessed to meet him..? Yeah. We started talking again a couple of weeks ago (as friends) and it really brought me down. But it's almost as if i'm addicted to him. He doesn't make me feel good, infact, I feel used when I talk to him.. yet I still want to keep going back. I stopped talking to him this week. It's honestly, the HARDEST thing for me right now. I know I deserve better, but there's that feeling inside of me that longs to be pursued, and wanted. He pursed me; but for the wrong reasons. He wanted me; but not in the way I wanted to be wanted. Don't feel sorry for me, because I DO know God has a plan for me, and the right guy, I just sometimes wonder why this guy came into my life. I need prayer, if you don't mind.
I want to thank my friends. Thank you. This may sound cheesy, but it's the truth. I don't know what I would do without you. In the hardest times, I know I can turn to you & I will not be judged. You will never understand how greatful I am for that. Honestly, thank you.
Although my heart these days is heavy, and I have no motivation, I am going to keep having hope.
Thank you for listening.
Shalom.

My tired heart, is beating so slow.

Sometimes, my mind races at night, and I simply cannot sleep. Do you ever get that? I hope not, because it really isn't fun. At all.
Why do I think about these things at night? Why is my motivation level so much higher? Inspiration; I feel it more strongly at night. I've asked myself so many times, why this happens.. but that causes me to think more, which makes it even harder to fall asleep. But, I like it. Weird, I know.. but life just seems so much more real in the late hours.. confusing, huh? Yea. I know. That's how my life is right now! Confusing. My heart is slowly healing, and i'm able to look past the last guy that was in my life. He is just a memory now, slowly fading.. & I am so thankful for that.
I am content in the state I am in though. Because I know I deserve SO much better than what I went through, and my amazing friends helped me realize that. I am letting God write my love story. I am going to be patient.
It feels good to vent. Why don't I write in here more often? Even if nobody is reading this, it feels good to let it go.
I hope that you get all of your hearts desires. That you are filled with joy, and that everyday you are able to sing a new song. With love. That's what I wish for you.

Take care of yourself, because YOU deserve it. You do.

You should laugh, so you don't cry.

Today was another interesting day. They always are for me.
Getting over someone, is the hardest thing I have had to do these past four months.. I thought it wouldn't be this hard, but since I have never gone through it, I didn't expect what I have been going through. Oh well, though. Life will get easier. It will just take me a long time to trust a guy again.
"Laugh so you don't cry" by Andy Davis. Has helped me. A LOT lately.. & through this whole thing. He really is great.
My friends, also, play a huge part in my "getting better". I love you all, dearly.
I hope your day went well :) I am going to go read now.

Shalom.

We sing, we dance, we steal things.

I really want to recommend Jason Mraz's cd "We sing, we dance, we steal things".
It's super snazzy & i'm sure you'll like it.
It has helped me this week, quite a bit :)

Thank you, Mr.Mraz :)

Green houses and butterflies

Good day, folks.
Hope your day is going great! Mine is, thanks :)
Hmmm, this morning at like 2, I had a sudden urge to write on here.. but I was too lazy to get up & come to my computer. ha... so here I am now.. :)
This is what's up. I have found a new passion! I want to take some environmental courses :) Also, some peace & conflict resolution classes! And, the university I am attending next year, offers them :) I'm really excited, because I get excited when I talk about it. I am still going to take some music theory classes, but I could somehow work music & my environmental skills together ;)
It will be good, for sure.
:)
I hope your heart is doing well. I hope you are taking it easy. Celebrate reality, because sometimes, reality is the best thing. I know, I have said reality isn't the best, but when your heart is happy, reality is good, because after all.. it's the real deal. It's not fake.

Live high! High, on love, my friends.
Shalom

Love someone

Hey everybody.. whoever is out there, reading this.. I sometimes feel, this is just going out to a big empty void.. but I still like doing it.

Happy new year, folks. Happy new year. I'm sitting in my kitchen, at 2am, waiting for pizza to come sitting with 3 lovely ladies that I adore. It's peaceful & I thought of my blog. Yes, my fellow readers, I thought of you :)
I hope this year is a good one. New beginning. Fresh beginning. Although to think of it, it's just the day after yesterday, & not much has changed even though the date is now 2010.

I encourage you to love someone. Today, tomorrow, & yesterday. Be the change, folks. Be the change. (Yes today, i'm repeating myself) It's the way things are :)

Love you all. My heart goes out to YOU.
Yes, you.

Who am I?

I'm rethinking my life, & i'm not impressed.
The way i've been thinking lately is different, & I am quite confused. I have passions that I need to fulfill. I just want to sing. Nothing else. I want to travel for the rest of my life doing what I love best. I performed for the first time on Saturday for a wedding, and I love the attention. I feel so selfish, but I loved it. The whole night people were coming up to me, saying how great I did.. and it made me.. feel good about myself & I was happy.
.. But will I make it is the question? Should I go into with this mindset? Prob not. ugggh.
My life is taking a turn.. but it just doesn't seem for the better. It doesn't. This is something I want, but i'm not happy. Lately, my heart has been hurting.. & I have no clue why.
I'm not exactly sure what to do.. & i'm trying to figure things out. My heart is confused. I want to run away. I want to escape, & figure out what i'm feeling. But reality hits, & I know I can't.
I wouldn't mind getting lost for a bit. Re evaluate my life.. & re evaluate me. ME. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel disconnected, but yet, I don't. It's stressful.
I guess I just need time?

Random? :)

It's really nice to just be with friends :) I really miss it. Life is so hectic lately, I forget to be with people who I love... & who love me (I hope) haha :)
Girl movie nights are needed! I feel like a kid again.. laughing at nothing.. dancing to some hip hop (mhmm, I can shake my booty) :) HA! It's great!
I can't forget the Starbucks.. tea :) Thank you Jesus, for tea.
I honeslty don't think there is anything better than sitting in front of a fire, drinking tea & reading a book :) If you stress out lots, you should try that! I can guarantee, it will calm you right down to serenity.
Music. Where should I go with it? I'm thinking of writing some solid music, & putting myself out there.. what do you think? I enjoy music.
As for boys, guys, men (whatever you want to call them) i'm not really liking any! It's really nice, cause I can go out & look bad, & not really care. Mhmmm :) NOT care. Well, I still try to look my best though ;) Never know.. haha.
I need a job. Actually.
hehe :) I'm quite happy right now!
Have you ever wondered, when you will get married? I do. & I wonder who I will get married too! haha. kind of random sometimes :)
I love Jesus, with all my heart. He is the reason for the season, people :) Not SANTA.
You know what would be perfect? A snowfall kind of love.. snowfalls are so pretty. When you go outside & catch snowflakes on your tounge, that moment of peace is perfect. The first snowfall brings people to their windows :) It's something veryyyyy special, I would say.
One final thing, I like you.

That is all.

Oh what a day is today.

It's crazy! I was so sure that I had my life planned out.. I have a change of heart. I want to do the Mp3 program at my church next fall.. it's like a leadership course that is 3 months long. I want to do it now, and I definitely did not have a to desire a couple of weeks ago.
I'm so happy too! I love it! I really do :) I'm so content with my life right now, it's satisfying.
I went on a leadership retreat with my school this past week, and I had a huge change of heart. It's amazing how Gods love can make you feel inside. The feeling I had when I first accepted Christ, I have again. It's the best feeling in the world.
It also feels good to write in my blog again... I haven't for a while.. And I think of doing it everday, but never have time. I am going to make time now because I LOVE IT!
Life is good. I'm happy.. and quite frankly, not sure how it can get any better than this! :)
Well, maybe it could.. without all the homework.
:)

Hmmm.. Seeing people I love getting hurt, is hard.
Today was interesting.. very. I'm not sure I fully understand the concept of forgiving. I had TOO many memories come back to me today, & they weren't happy ones. Just not a good day in general. I did appreciate the rain today though.. :) I've been thinking about my life lately, and my choice of career.. haha. It's a joke. I have NO clue! errg. Should I pursue music, and if I do, how..? Worship, solo artist..? TOO many options I tell ya. I just need to give it to God, obvs. Stress is too high in my system today, so it would probably be a good idea to go to sleep. Maybe i'll play some guitar first :)

Are you thankful?

Thanksgiving; the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment of benefits or favors, esp. to God.
I have lots to be thankful for. I have noticed, lately the littlest things that God has done in my life, and they make me smile.. I'm so thankful for my friends, & that God has provided me with friends that I can handle [haha], my family, who at times, get on my nerves, but are always there for me, a house to live in, a pillow to rest my head at night.. really, the list could go on forever. We get so easily distracted by the big things in life, we loose focus on the little ones. Be thankful today! If you look deep, down in your heart, you will find something.. I guarantee it.

embrace, love and wait.

The snow is falling, landing around me in every direction.. i'm surrounded by the earthly thing I love most. The first snow fall. It's magical, gives me that sense of warmth, joy; an internal strength. As it falls, I catch it with my tounge.. childhood memories come rushing in & I feel a sense of peace. I could stay here forever. Pure bliss. My emotions are so complex at this very moment, I, myself don't understand them. I look in the distance & see two people holding hands, & I begin to muse on love. I start singing a song to myself, "I'll be waiting for you baby, i'll be holding back the darkest night, love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right, love is waiting". Inspiration is given to me at this moment, & I take advantage of it. With inspiration, your heart is changed, for a brief moment, yes, maybe, but it is encouraging while it lasts. I ponder how my life will turn out.. when I will fall in love, what kind of opportunities I will be given, who will come in my life & who will go.. deep stuff. As i'm thinking about these things, I realize it has stopped snowing. My heart beats a little faster because reality has hit me & I know I have things to do. Being in that state of fantasy, being disconnected from the world for a couple of minutes helped me to mediate on some desires that were heavy on my heart. Do you ever stop to think? Stop to love? Stop to embrace? My expierence of stepping aside from the world & honestly, just being, is very vibrant. You never know what questions might be answered, or what truths might come to you. What risk would it be to try?